12 days of christmas update....

Okay... so it's officially the 2nd day of christmas and so far things are going well... M.D. (names shortened to protect identities) is (i belive, i would be happy to be proven wrong) has claimed the title of Supreeme Saviorinator with a score of 5 liberated jesuses!! But today we've run into a problem... or at least I have... While we were going to make snowmen in the park, i worked (i know...) until 7 and now the snow's to cold to stick together... i may have to wake up early tomorrow and build my snowman before i go to work... luckily most of next week i have off (short 2 hours a day) so much winter mischief will ensue. Stay tuned, I expect to have the rest of the blog finished in the next 24 hours for sure.

-LC

The 12 Days of Christmas

I fuckin hate Christmas. It's time to take December back.

Bring the ruckus.

Step One
for my subversive Christmas.

Baby Jesus Liberation Army

Jesus HATES dept. stores, boutiques, Hallmark, Malls... etc. It's time to free him from his oppressors. (Now mind you... me and Jesus aren't on the best of terms.. but We believe repression in all forms to be evil... and Jesus isn't gonna fight back for himself!) The demonstration is over at midnight the first night (14th of December), and whomever liberates the most baby Jesus figurines (and therefore renders nativity scenes around the nation unsellable...) becomes SUPREME SAVIORINATOR and is officially given first pick of any holiday vegan goodies until christmas!!

(oh, and of course.. no monetary reimbursement allowed... we would hate to further fund his oppressors)

Step Two
and Winter Anarchy for everyone =)

Obscene Snowman Building Contest

Now we wouldn't want to create an entire campaign against that one certain holiday... it's the consumerism and mindlessness of the season that generates the loathing! (that and christmas songs. IN OCTOBER. fuck that.) So how about some good old fashioned fun that's gonna cost us nothing, and create all sorts of entertainment for everyone!!! How about an Obscene Snowman Building Contest (OSBC from here on out)!! Everyone gets together... hopefully at a park, or a house on the corner of the busiest intersection in the city (bonus points if it's not your house) And builds Snowmen!!! and not just your regular snowman... but the, "MOMMY? WHY ARE THOSE GIRL SNOWMEN WRESTLING!??" kinda snowmen!! okay... so actually we were hoping for something a little less lude and more along the lines of you know, your favorite bloody bible scene... (keeping with the christian spirit of the hollidays... of course) Or anything else you can come up with!! Send me pictures!!! (arghrapture@gmail.com)

Step Three
A little direction

Okay... Funs over... down to some serious reclamation... or at least, some serious chaos for anyone stupid enough to be working big box retail this time of year... (no offense Krys) Granted... their lives are hell already, but if they're smart, they're gonna be disgruntled and all about our little plan... otherwise... fuck em.

What you need.
Paper (unless you can get your hands on stickers... that'd be rad.)
Ways to make the paper pretty (and convincing... you wanna fool everyone and look official)
Wheat Paste, or some rediculously good tape.
An evil corperate conglomerate of your choice... say... Toys'R'us!

Directions...
1. Take paper. Take markers/ways to make it look pretty...
2. Use markers to make paper say something along the lines of '50% off EVERYTHING WITH A BARCODE!!!' or 'Entire STORE, buy one get one free!!'
3. Wheatpaste to front door of store! (GO FAST... LOOK OFFICIAL... DON'T GET CAUGHT)
4. Flee... or videotape the poor frustrated store managers.

Obviously... any variation on this idea is good... if you can pilfer the 50% off stickers from behind the counter... most stores have a policy that they have to honor the marked price if it's lower then the original price... otherwise it's false advertising!!! ENJOY!!!

STEP FOUR
Some holiday spirit after all

Okay, don't get me all wrong. Christmas isn't totally evil. Sure... Christianity is right up there with capitalism, but some of the stuff's not so bad... unity... importance of real people in your life... a spirit of benevolance to others... these seem like good ideas. So, the next celebration on our agenda is a little more uplifting. Right now, we're working on the hand out... but in the mean time... a little video you've probably seen alread.
Free Hugs
So, the plan's as follows... Follow their lead... take the sign (also offer the option of a joke for the more uncomfortable if you'd like) and go to a nice crowded place. But we're adding the pamphlet on 'how to enjoy the hollidays for free' as soon as we get it finished.

STEP FIVE
hope you're not against getting chased off the property..

For our next adventure... we're gonna need two teams. And we're gonna need a little help from the weather.

We're planning on staging, the BIGGEST, most intrusive, most PUBLIC snowball fight that this city has EVER SEEN. Pick the biggest outdoor mall... or public gathering... or christmas bullshit event you can find. put half your participants on one half of the 'arena' the other half on the other. Get yourselves weapons. By weapons i mean snowballs. DECIMATE the other team with the snowballs... Try not to hit bystanders (but don't try THAT hard) See how long before you get kicked out.

NOTE... having official team uniforms makes snowball fights SO much funnier... even if the uniform is a holiday color'd bandannas worn black bloq style to make sure the passerbys know something fishy's going down, right before they accidentally get pegged in the ass by a slushball!!!

The Catfood Problem

Alright... so first of all, the cats have to be fed, that's the first priority. With that said, I definitely know of zero locally made/sold cat food that would be bar code-less... so I've decided that probably the best route would be to start making my own. I can get veggies until they start g-moding bar codes into their peels, and i can buy bulk rice at the asian market or oatmeal in bulk, but cats need(?) meat in their diet... or at very least they definitely need lots of protein (apparently 4x that of dogs!)

I'm not about start giving money to the meat industry just for this project, and most of that would have a bar code anyway... and stealing meat (legal disclaimer:stealing=bad) doesn't seem reasonable with the butcher counter and all that... and then I'd have to cook it and get all my food stuffs gross and fleshy... which isn't that big of a deal, i can wash a dish if i have to... but still, that'd be a nice lesser option. Any one have any experience with making your own cat food? anyone know a local brand? totally open to suggestions on this one =D

the parking lot... the new truck stop bathroom

finding 2 needles and a burnt spoon anywhere's not cool... but a coffee shop where teens and kids shop, that's fucked.

Adventures in consumerism...

Alright... here's the plan. One month, Sept. 2008, no purchases of any product with a UPC (barcode you idiot)

Sofar it's just me in on it, but feel free to join up... i'll be posting about issues i come up with (so far... feeding the cats?) and adventures in figuring out ways to subvert said issues... so hopefully i can pick up some decent pointers along the way...

i'll keep you posted

(ps. so far, i fed the cats a can of cat food... i'm thinking i might try to do the same but try to spread it out by mixing it with cooked rice, and other kitty friendly foods i can buy locally or with out barcodes...)

oh, and ideas of how to come up with college text books would be great!